the run

21 km
3 hours for cut off time

my stomach is doing backflips.
why am I doing this again?
because you can, when there are so many other who can't.
because you want to prove to yourself that physically, you can do this.
because it is a challenge, something that really is difficult.

I know tomorrow I will get a buzz and feel fulfilled.
but right now I feel scared shitless.
scared... about a run.
scared about doing it on my own.
scared that I won't be able to finish.

why is it that something foreign implements such fear in us?
at this point, when i have shoved pasta down my throat even though I feel vomitty,
I feel like sometimes, it would be better not to do these things.
to not challenge yourself in this way that is SO scary.
to live your life 'safe' - far less emotional and turbulent.

yet in the same breath I know that this time tomorrow, I will be glad that I have felt this fear.
that the fear makes you feel alive, know you are human.
it makes you realise that you can do anything, on your own, if you want to.
i just need to remember this for the next 8 hours and get me through.

21 km
2 hours 30 minutes estimated finishing time