I have been thinking lately about the choice of having children.
Sure, deep down I would love nothing more.
It would be wonderful to bring that little person into the world;
the best combination of my partner and I.
No doubt it would be magical to watch them grow and learn about the world;
the new eyes of desire, passion and laughter.
But underneath all this, I am terrified that I would hurt them the way I have been by my parents.
To make them feel unwanted in anyway would simply break my heart.
To reduce them to tears, despite their age of being an adult, would almost be unforgivable.
To instil disappointment and questioning in their development as a person,
so they feel like they are unsuitable or a failure in some way.
Not an option.
These fears are possibly natural for each parent.
But somehow, I feel like mine are accentuated because of my history and upbringing.
If you came from a good family, one that is stable and secure... would the fears be the same?
Or would they be worse as they have had amazing role models that they want to live up to?
Maybe these fears will diminish over time, or I will find success and confidence from my parents small failures.
Or maybe I won't have the option, prevented by a physical error.
But I guess it is a choice that every women must face.
Either way, I do not want to have a child and subject them to similar fears that I have had in my life.
I would do anything to spare them from the pain and torment of wondering if they were ever really good enough.
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