bag lady

with her limited belongings,

she dawdles up the path.

plastic bag in hand and trolley rolling behind her,

she seems so lost in her way.

as i watch her walk,

i am curious of her story.

does she do this all day with really nowhere to go?

has she slept in a comfortable place or even changed her clothes recently?

i stand and stretch,

watching the way she operates.

she approaches one of many ponds and stares into the water,

seemingly lost in her own despair.

she reaches into the plastic bag, for what unfortunately

my mind only leaps to negative assumptions.

completely contradictory,

she grabs some bread and breaks it into pieces.

she stands there and feeds the birds and ducks...

sharing her only possession with these helpless creatures.

she is so selfless in her ways.

not only once now have i seen her,

but several times on the same running route.

with nothing materialistic to offer, she offers herself.

a friend to the animals... an unacknowledged act of hope and kindness in the world.

from a woman in rags with a plastic bag and an old shopping trolley.

silence

I feel frustrated within myself,

unsettled and restless.

Sitting still, silently and uncomfortably for five hours is really far too long in one's head.

The need for conversation and banter can be a blessing, yet a curse in disguise.

Silences emphasises my endless space of creative clutter inside my head;

unproductive and unused.

It highlights the annoyances of others around me;

screaming children and sickly romantic and organised couples.

It gives time to question insurmountable things about life;

my future and my fears.

It makes me feel completely alone;

despite the company that I'm with.

Worst of all, it makes me revel in the nervousness I have;

the return to London

sadness of an ending holiday

work worries

...

the list goes on.

All of this... nonsense, would simply fade away with some idle chitchat.

For once, I wish my crave for conversation would cease to bring me some craved inner peace.

till times

It was just an idea, a fleeting moment on the tills whilst we wished away our Sunday shift.

Hungover and hoping for something exciting to happen, we put the plan in place.

Contiki around the states, New York for New Years -

a graduation present to myself and a chance to travel and holiday for you girls.

We researched and plotted, talked and fine tuned.

Booked. Going. Four friends and one hell of a holiday.

We counted down for months, the whole pharmacy buzzing with our enthusiasm.

Goodbye's at the airport so far from sad, adventures and laughter ahead...

even a few little squabbles in a taxi down 5th ave.

One bus, four seats up the front because of some car sick loser, and a song that now,

years later, brings a sprawling smile and shoulder shimmy on my face.

Every morning,

mere hours of sleep and a knowing laugh from us all that despite it's repetitiveness and annoying nature -

The Killers have a lasting memory past this trip.

What an adventure, such fun with great friends.

Missing you always ladies...

so glad for 'all the these things that I've done' with you.

xxxxx

ignorance in education

What is it that gives you the right to think you are better than everyone else?

Is it your exclusive education that is apparently so much more detailed and thorough then mine?

Is it that you wear 'mature' clothing, that despite it's 'creative lacking' is sophisticated and says you mean business?

Maybe it's that you've been here longer, therefore have rights to the school stomping ground.

Or that you earn more money and have a lovely home, compared to my flat share and economic suffering.

Regardless, it gives you no right to look at me with disgust the way you do;

like I'm an embarrassment for simply existing.

It doesn't excuse the way you ignore me in the corridor or the stairs,

yet talk to me when it's convenient for you.

It certainly doesn't give you the right to walk around with your head held high so far above and more important then your colleagues or friends.

I don't let your attitude get to me all the time, but after a year and a half...

you'd thing you could at least pretend to know my name or of equal importance to you.

Your education may have taught you one thing;

ignorance and snobbery -

well done.

It's bound to get you far.

just minutes and hours

the question of time constantly plagues my mind, now more than ever.

the amount of time left and all the things I have to accomplish and see.

the waste of time putting myself through the aggression of school.

the time that it will take to adjust to my life back at home.

how long it will be before I see my London family again.

and of course the time left to earn the money which i need for all of the above.

yet now there is a new aspect that I am left feeling despondent about.

the time left with you, here in London and enjoying this life.

how long we may be apart because we both need to do things for ourselves.

if this time will affect us, for the better or the worse.

you say a certain month, and all will seem too near...

despite your thoughts that it really is so far away.

i try not to worry about anything related to time,

given it really is out of my control.

yet time with you and here is so precious.

will we always have awkward timing in life, or will everything destined just be.

i still feel rattled and nervous,

wishing for something concrete to be put in place.