energy transfer

the dread of the return,

the pain of the familiar.

the monotony of each day

and the bane of the lonely existence.

escaping to the city highlights the pockets of unhappiness in my life.

it's not so bad, there are good elements as well.

but when surrounded by appeal, the excitement and life of New York,

one can't help but feel lost -

sad to not be living in it, part of it.

i find myself contemplating how I can make my experience in London the same,

with the same energy and passion that these people have.

the answer remains absent,

but I can't help but think it's within myself.

a choice...a decision that i must make,

to create opportunities that are out there.

to find the energy that is brimming underneath the surface,

just waiting for me to unravel it.

beloved

I feel you and I have become reacquainted again, for some mysterious reason.

Once you were merely a necessity, an obligation which at times I found quite frustrating.

You would beckon me and I would reluctantly come, not yet finished having time on my own.

You would engulf me in your comforting ways, making it a strain to want to leave you again.

You had this manipulative way about you, easing my troubles and creating new moments in my eye lids.

Together we would spend hours embracing, using each other for support and comfort.

But our time would end and the ritual would start again.

Things have changed now, and I find myself longing for you and hesitant to leave when I'm with you.

I immerse myself in all your glory, the smooth nature of your exterior such a luring snuggling factor.

I now spend extra hours with you, not wanting to leave in the lurking hours of the morning.

Despite the restless flickers and odd hours of wakening, you are consistent and reliable...

exactly what I need right now.

So tonight I tuck myself in again to your welcoming arms and sigh with relief.

Tonight I will be in the centre and you will have no complaints.

I will edge down into your warming comforter and feel safe.

Together, you and I are a perfect match.

Without you, my beloved bed...

I would be completely lost.

the truck man

Second day back at school and the whole of London is brewing.

The kids are pissed off being back, the excitement of catching up with friends having quickly worn off. The staff, not many were excited in the first place - 6 weeks off and then.... how do I teach again? To top matters off, the tube staff are disgruntled about their pay, so have decided to strike through 3 London peack hours to prove a point. Doesn't affect me directly as I am a train hobbit, but my goodness... the catastrophe!

The cars are back up for miles, the escorted bike guides are outnumbered by novice cyclists trying to get to work and people are pushing each other out of the way to get on the train. Am I setting the scene appropriately? Needless to say, when I have to behaviour manage 40 out of a 50 minute lesson of year 8 drama, I found it fitting to join the rest of the city and be pissed off.

The school day ends and I am out that door at 10 past 3, so glad to see it pass behind me. As I walk up to cross the road, a truck pulls over on the curb and blocks my view of the oncoming traffic. Great! Thanks mate - now I am really mad! I try to edge my way forward, only having to jump back as a car zooms past. Shit, how am I going to negotiate this cranky, peak hour traffic?

To my astonishment, the truck driver jumps out and stands outside his car. He then walks into the middle of the road, in the path of oncoming traffic, slows the cars down and waves me across the road.

'You're a darling... thank you!' I shout whilst scurrying across the road.

He smiles and jumps back in his truck, waiting patiently for what I don't know.

How one person can change your day, without even knowing it.

Was thank you enough? Did he realise that it made me grin for the rest of the afternoon?

Just that one small gesture... can make such a difference.

biggest fault

If you were to ask me what my biggest fault is, it would be my faith in people.

You see, I want to see the good in people.... all the time.

And the trouble is, each time someone lets me down, or lies about something,

it hurts beyond belief.

So the words written down, the conversation once thought was precious,

turns out to be mere words said in passing, and a line you once heard before.

The mind games played are part of a daily routine, and the lies you spout seem truthful to you.

I guess the biggest fault is not that I have faith in people, that I want to always see good.

I know the biggest trouble with me, is that I allow it to affect me so.

So as I sit here, feeling so very confused and doubtful,

and letting ridiculous feelings wash over me quicker then they came,

I should not allow it to affect me this way.

I should just sigh, and say that I am better off without them.

That they meant nothing, it was an insignificant moment in my life and not worth the tears.

I guess I just hope that one day, I will meet someone - people that think the same as me.

Say it for what it is and stop pussy footing around the situation.

You think I'm annoying... just say it.

You think I talk to much... just say it.

Your not into me... then just say it.

I would so much rather the truth then this doubtful cloud of confusion.

a man on the tube... an entertaining act

I saw a man on the tube today, dressed oh so smart and quite the handsome type.

His pink pressed shirt, a nice contrast to his tailored grey suit,

accentuating his muscular physique and manly statue.

His brown hair, neatly styled but not with excessive product to show an obsession to perfection.

His strong jawline, clenching at each delay we had on the journey.

Grossly interested he was with his phone -

no doubt an important document rather that a childish game.

And he's hands, oh so big and strong... we all know what big hands mean!

And whilst standing there, barely able to breathe due to the people around me,

I was strangely compelled to look at him.

A thought crossed my mind, and I had a huge impulse to walk straight up to him...

and kiss him - just because!

The act itself would be delightful, but more intriguingly his response to it -

wouldn't it be funny!

Would he kiss me back?

Would he push me away?

Would he try and speak in protest?

Would he lay me over his legs and passionately embrace me?

And what would the people around me do?

Would they stare in awe or embarrassment?

Would they laugh and look the other way?

Or would they too, feel the impulse and kiss the person next to them?

All these humorous situations were flooding through my brain whilst I was standing there, gawking at this sex God in front of me.

Needless to say, I couldn't help but start to laugh!

Imagine, this alluring, irresistible Deanna doing this brave and bold act on the tube - hilarious!

Before I knew it, my stop was up and I stumbled out the door;

sunscreen smelly, sun kissed and dishevelled from my day in the park.

I certainly was not performing any bold, ridiculously fun act today.

But just think about it...

what would you do if it happened to you?

Such a great moment to think about right? So daring!

not just an ordinary day

September the 1st, a day insignificant to so many others.

The first of the month;

it happens twelves times a year so it's no big deal.

The first day of Autumn, the frost on the grass and the chilly temperatures told me that earlier.

But this day brings with it something more for me.

Today is the day that it comes out,

that thing I filmed oh so long ago that it's like it never happened.

The excitement in my heart is engulfed by the nerves in my stomach;unaware I am of so many things.

Where? When? What do I look like? Do you see me much?

You see, being a feature in an advert doesn't give you the right to know any of these facts.

Instead, I will explore the city today with my eyes wide open,

potentially catching a glimpse of a face I know so well.

Every corner brings a new sense of hope,

baited breathe that I could never possibly tire from!

Littlewoods

It's out!

The comercial is out!

I'm in the paper!

I'm on the Internet!

Oh my gosh!

Cannot stop grinning!!

Check it out:

http://www.campaignlive.co.uk/news/1024892/Littlewoods-launches-first-TV-ad-starring-Coleen-Rooney/