waking up tomorrow

I want to go to sleep so I can wake up tomorrow and for this to all be over.

For the stress of work to be finished and me being on holiday... relaxing and exploring.

For the worry of finance to be reduced slightly because I have a steady income.

For the aggression of everyday people;

their negative vibes to be turned into a positive for no other reason then the sun is shining.

For you to be back so that I can feel at ease again, simply being around you giving me a sense of peace.

For the younger me to be only a plane trip away and able to go and muck about with.

So I sleep and hope it comes to me in my dreams...

just for the next little while until things begin to unravel and start to become normal again.

in the garden

Today I slept amongst the roses; Philharmonic and Halle.

White and bright orange respectively, they were my friends for the day.

I heard new born babies whimpering and words of admiration for the inner circle.

But the best sound was that of children giggling.

Playing hide and seek amongst the beds of flowers and darting in between the hedges,

they were enjoying the day almost as much as me.

People took photos and walked,

laughed and canoodled as couples...

but seemed too composed on this postcard perfect day.

Many a time I wanted to join the children,

exploring the hidden elements of Regents Park and throwing their parents caution to the wind.

After much restraint, I settled for lying amongst my new friends and taking in their scent,

catching the suns rays and enjoying the sounds of others.

network unavailable

Comfortable in my own skin and fairly content with my own company...

yet I find myself having to remember how to operate without you.

Longing for the meaningless banter... or even your comedic bodily functions,

I find myself just a little bored at times.

An exciting adventure for you away and some reflective time for me -

I'm trying not to think too much.

Words lingering in the back of my mind, your reassurance seems so far away...

my certainty about the way I feel only stronger then before.

Still weeks until I get your side - to hear how you felt without me.

Anxious I am about the verdict,

yet my hope and faith in us...

this 'unlikely' couple keeps me sane.

A message or an email with a little hint so desperately craved.

No network makes this impossible.

I spend the time trying to be occupied...

and all the while missing you just the same.

limbo of dreamtime

The evening draws to a close and they retreat to the comfort of bed.

Exhausted and spent she has no words left to say.

They lie and whisper to each other, but mainly she just looks and watches his animated face.

Entangled in arms and legs, sleep does not come to them this way.

They part begrudgingly, her only wish for there to be more breathing air between them.

The light is off and her eyes close wearily, trying to wave off the dread of tomorrow.

He pulls her in closer and kisses her hand and cheek, reminding her that he's still there.

She feels her body give in and knows she could lie here forever.

Limbo between awake and dreamtime, they find their comfortable position;

her on the side and him on his back.

Sleep and peace, a night of comfort and companionship.

A part of them always touching - fingers intertwines, toes tapping or foreheads gently resting ...

wanting to just be part of each others worlds.

an early morning train

An early morning

A peak hour train.
Weary workers

A jumper in the way.

Late for work

Calls to the boss.

Moans and complaints
A life newly lost.

A family destroyed

A lost and broken soul.

An inconvenience for Londoners
Others left to grieve and console.

Rushing in the door

A jumper on the tracks.
Annoyed and angry
A moment never gotten back.

bag lady

with her limited belongings,

she dawdles up the path.

plastic bag in hand and trolley rolling behind her,

she seems so lost in her way.

as i watch her walk,

i am curious of her story.

does she do this all day with really nowhere to go?

has she slept in a comfortable place or even changed her clothes recently?

i stand and stretch,

watching the way she operates.

she approaches one of many ponds and stares into the water,

seemingly lost in her own despair.

she reaches into the plastic bag, for what unfortunately

my mind only leaps to negative assumptions.

completely contradictory,

she grabs some bread and breaks it into pieces.

she stands there and feeds the birds and ducks...

sharing her only possession with these helpless creatures.

she is so selfless in her ways.

not only once now have i seen her,

but several times on the same running route.

with nothing materialistic to offer, she offers herself.

a friend to the animals... an unacknowledged act of hope and kindness in the world.

from a woman in rags with a plastic bag and an old shopping trolley.

silence

I feel frustrated within myself,

unsettled and restless.

Sitting still, silently and uncomfortably for five hours is really far too long in one's head.

The need for conversation and banter can be a blessing, yet a curse in disguise.

Silences emphasises my endless space of creative clutter inside my head;

unproductive and unused.

It highlights the annoyances of others around me;

screaming children and sickly romantic and organised couples.

It gives time to question insurmountable things about life;

my future and my fears.

It makes me feel completely alone;

despite the company that I'm with.

Worst of all, it makes me revel in the nervousness I have;

the return to London

sadness of an ending holiday

work worries

...

the list goes on.

All of this... nonsense, would simply fade away with some idle chitchat.

For once, I wish my crave for conversation would cease to bring me some craved inner peace.