encounter

His white suit a stark contrast to the city grime,

his bow tie, pressed and sitting tortly.

His fragile and nervous frame no competition for the hostility of the people around him.

He holds the paper like a precious book,

and although full of trivial facts,

a ritual read I am sure he carries out each day.

The cattle cart arrives swiftly and he glares at it with dread;

hovering like an anxious toddler over a first step.

He slowly approaches the carriage and takes one step towards his destination. He closes his eyes, trying to ignore the heat and stench that he is confronted with.

The city has changed, but this man has not.

His grace and class clear from a far,

his age evident from the curly white eye brows and wrinkled cheeks.

His love of the buzz not deterring him from the grizzly transport.

This gingerly man is someones grandfather,

and puts my demeanour to shame.

I close my eyes and ignore the heat and stench that surrounds me.

I just don't think I look half as composed as this man standing beside me.

The stop approaches and his eyes meet mine.

I smile at his crumpled face,

and he nods his head towards me as I leave the carriage.

What a wonderful encounter with a true London gentlemen.

Revealing

I close my eyes and let out a sigh.

It always makes me feel so much better.

The afternoon sun is flickering in my eyes through the wispy trees;

the breeze calms my heart and cools my temper.

The politics of the day exhaust me and make me age.

People, once believed to be friends, deceive me.

A skill I once had long forgotten.

My uplifting teaching energy now stern and tough,

crosser than I knew I could be.

They respond to the witch in me, the one I find more consuming.

They take advantage of you because you are you -

and think that it is nothing.

It's a tough city - man up.

I spend the afternoon, literally, on retail therapy.

What a glorious feeling it is to spend money you don't really have.

I do feel better, however, so mission accomplished.

I still sit here now though, and wonder at the cruelty of people.

In one swift afternoon, loyalty changes and they have moved on.

I think I am being punished because I am .... passionate?

I wait anxiously for the wine to chill, and remind myself why I am here.

Eye on the goal.

Rely only on yourself.

Laugh at the stupidity of others.

Breathe and move on.

bubble of flutters

The smile on my face is endless,

seemingly unable to be wiped off.

I sit in disbelief, still feeling euphoric - is it some sort of dream?

I expect them to change their mind,

for their vision to be different.

But the phone sits silently in front of me,

showing no signs of life.

I showed up to the initial thing,

excited to be involved in the process.

The call back; unexpected and thrilling.

The shortlist - did I hear it correctly?

The feature of the commercial,

are they crazy?

The wardrobe fitting -

did you say they were a size 8?

The elated giggle and chatter to my agent is the only call that comes through.

' I had a good feeling about you' he reassures me,

'they clearly see it too'.

They want... me.

I fit the part.

What a buzz.

For the first time in a long time,

I am speechless.

I let the bubble of flutters in my chest take over,

and just enjoy.

sunken

Her clothes dangle loosely around her frame,

cheeks sunken into a hollow.

Her almost translucent skin; tired and showing her inaccurate age.

She walks determined, unfazed by the early hour that it is.

She must maintain the pace.

Her brittle bones resemble a small child,

her eyes saddened and lost.

The thoughts plague her head and she brushes them aside.

She is in control.

She knows what she is doing.

I march ahead, womanly & curvaceous in my stride.

Despite my daggy attire,

my fondness of food is evident.

My eyes are alight with excitement,

relieved to have the morning to myself.

I stop and take a moment in the sun

and see the young girl again.

The runners usual greeting goes amiss with her,

she is so focused on the prize.

She is half the size of me,

yet powering strong.

For fitness and health I hope.

But the look in her eyes tells me otherwise.

She needs no help from her family.

She is in control of her mind.

The thoughts that plague her are her own.

And they are telling her that she is not good enough.

moments

the quiet of the night comes,

and I feel at ease.

the silence is comforting,

time to stop & reflect.

6 months on and I feel stronger.

things may just be falling into place.

the challenges now surmountable,

the rewards clearer to see.

the laughter with a friend,

the warm summer day.

the moment behind the camera,

the new things to see.

a journey that lasts a tube,

or maybe even a minute.

the lingering eyes or

generosity of a chair...

moments that make me smile.

new level

Like every other day, I was given the list of classes to cover.

Nothing different or out of the ordinary,

6 lessons on and the usual breaks.

This did not prepare me for the events of the day.

Lesson one, a cover in drama.

Comfort comes with teaching something you are familiar with.

Wrong.

Year 9 certainly don't share the same enthusiasm that I share,

for anything it seems.

Unless it's me.

When silence riddles the classroom,

and you are up there doing your thing,

holding them in the palm of your hand...

you notice the one murmur.

I wish I had not said a thing.

'Did you want to share that with the class,

given I am teaching and you are talking.

Clearly it is more important'

I said with the confidence of the world.

The remark was beyond my thoughts,

derogatory on all levels.

If that wasn't bad enough,

his mate physically demonstrated the

sexual thoughts he was going to act out over me,

like we were discussing the lunch menu at the canteen.

It was one of those moments,

where as teacher you are being tested.

To kick them out or punch their heads in.

To cry in front of them or run out in shame.

I did neither.

I remained calm,

the rage brewing inside and

in the quietest teaching voice possible,

gave them a fair serve.

The class sat, once again in silence.

The boys were embarrassed,

and I was humiliated.

Who felt the biggest shame.

They stayed after class,

I told them again that they would never talk to a women again that way.

Permanent exclusion for one and a return for another,

was any punishment going to be just?

It was a new low in teaching in the UK,

but a character building strength in another.

I hold my head high,

and hope I taught both genders a lesson.

At what price,

the verdict is not yet in.

The question remains,

how much longer can one sustain this level of bullshit.

the morning challenge

He awoke to the same abuse every morning, the nagging cries of the birds above him and his siblings making too much noise. The sun was only just beginning to peep through the cracks, still far to early in his opinion. He rolled over and ignored the morning wake up calls.

His dreams had been vivid, a delicious portion of meatballs and tomato sauce, garnished with roast potato cubes and cheese. His bulging stomach began to rumble, and he sighed at the thought of his morning chaos. Who knows where he would find his first meal...where he would end up.

He reluctantly rolled out of his bed, carefully avoiding the family. He wanted to do this part on his own. He scurried along the lattice and up to the top of the fence... there really was no other view like it. Overlooking the house tops of his local London neighbourhood was truly magic. From way up here, he could assess all important aspects; dog whereabouts, sneaky cats and not to mention those pesky foxes. He was in control.

He stopped and lifted his tail way up high, shaking it when it was extended fully to make sure he was wide awake, stretching always felt so good. He danced along the top of the fence and down towards the kitchen, such a convenient location on the end of his block. Many a time, he had managed to get enough food for the whole family, however it always presented its dangers. Two legged animals that were much bigger and always upright, most frighteningly was the loud machine that would come away and clear his food before he was finished with it. It would tip it all upside down into one big pile, barely leaving anything on the floor or left behind for him. Still, it was a great place to start... and secret.

He arrived at the old building with anticipation, immediately spotting some tasty morsel in the large blue container. He took a brief moment to assess the situation, no potential dangers... then again that sly black cat was always just around the corner. With little patience, he scampered across the path, dodging the lilly petals that were floating down around him. They made him tingle all over, like he had maddening fleas in his fur.

He carefully scaled the container and rested on the top. He smelt inside...divine indulgence for the senses. There was a combination of bread, banana, cabbage and the best part... some meat on a bone. Again, he took a moment to contemplate his next move, he needed to be swift to get the largest portion. When he felt unnervingly confident, he made his move. Within seconds there was a large clapping noise just above his ear, like someone had smacked him with an old tin lid. He saw it move before he knew what it was, and then fear permeated his body. An enlarged animal must have been approaching. He looked down at his breakfast, a feast for his day. It was food or freedom. He hastily climbed back up the container and down the side of the building, back up the lattice and safely back to his quarters. He stopped to catch his breath and let out a huge sigh. His shrunken belly grumbled in annoyance at the energy wasted.

He climbed back into bed. Being defeated this early in the morning was never a good start to the day. Best go back to those dreams and start all over again later on.