Radio Swiss Jazz

Awaking foggy and mucus headed, the buffet breakfast was the only thing calling my name.

A cup of tea with honey and a plate of fruit - heaven.

Such bliss in such small comforts.

Feeling less then average, Granada's magical streets held little appeal, and so back to bed I went.

Awaking again, relaxed yet still sleepy, I headed down to the pool.

Banter, sunshine and giggles...bliss at home, blessed to be in another country with a dear friend.

A horrendous lunch and a confused middle zen, the room again had me at hello.

A little siesta waiting for a wench to ready herself...

finally we were ready to explore.

Tiny streets, pharmacy confusion and a glam boutique goodbye gift - little else could please us.

A quiet garden with a water feature, a sign for 'Bohemia Jazz Cafe' and a closed looking window...

thankfully not so.

Walls lined with books, old records, musical instruments and jazz posters from the 1930's;

we had found a 'secret wardrobe'.

Faces of locals filled the tables and jazz was literally everywhere.

Men playing saxophones, upside-down tea pots, oversized medicinal looking jars filled with ales and vinegars - clocks in every corner.

It was nothing short of a page out of a new york jazz picture book, yet in the middle of Spain.

Little bulls and Spanish menus the only give away.

Four pianos called my name and guitars quietly strummed.

The trumpet in front of us alerted it's presence.

Feet tapped and people swayed.

Wine was drunk.

What a turn around -

Fogginess to 'Fantastico' with Fabulous Friend!

Counting Down

I find myself walking the streets of Barcelona, and counting down the days.

Three more nights in this hostel, you will be fine.

Six more days till you have Charlie, you will be fine.

Twenty-one more days till your under his wing, you will be fine.

For someone who once thrived on this, the change is drastic and confusing.

My clenched stomach, specifically at night,

makes me want to stay indoors rather then aimlessly wander.

My intolerance of hostels and the people,

makes me spend money on comfort and solitude rather then social bedlam.

I feel privileged and thankful for being here;

but excited already for it to come to an end.

Has my passion for travelling faded away?

Have I lost the courage that I once had and should now seek solace from staying put?

Maybe it's none of the above and I am merely caught in a moment.

All I do know now,

is I find myself saying at least once I day.

I want to go home.

I am ready to go home.

I miss you.

So very much.

To the point that maybe... nothing feels right.

Your strength and comfort,

the calm you make me feel.

I feel a little weak and lost without you.

That maybe I am just not cut out for it.

Pathetic and maybe fleeting,

yet something I feel so strongly right now.

I want to be with you,

hide from the rest of it all.

Just to be with you,

back to the norm.

All because I simply miss you.

in the haze

the eyes cloud over and flick to the side

the snarl appears and the fists clench

the words that are not real or true

the impression that is left lingering.

the heat and hurt in the room tangible

the tears that fall and give away the true self

the confusion and disbelief

the silence as the scene sets in.

the calm after the anger subsides

the sadness of how bad things can hurt

the whisperings and reassurances to try and make it better

the unquestionable want to make things work.

it's booked

The ticket is booked, the date confirmed.

Yet when seeking excitement from others, their responses all fall short.

'That's ages away still Danny'

'Thats really far too soon wench!'

I laugh and take it for what it is, the lingering thought in my mind as to why I am looking to them for enthusiasm still tinkering.

The trip to work with the regular crazies on the train - almost pleasurable as I know that it's coming to an end.

The kids screaming down the stairwell and barging into each other without so much as an apology - humorous as I think in disbelief how I've made it this long.

All these things make the leave excitement bubble underneath my skin, literally creating jitters.

Yet the random band at the local pub, the two bottles of wine and endless laughter with 'the wench' places doubt.

The cheering and 'hollering' from my regular year 10 business class when I walk in the door - their 'secret searching' to find me another visa flattering and humbling as a teacher.

The meandering down Regent Street or lying in the park - the endless selection of bars and restaurants, the theatre that keeps me feeling alive... how to say goodbye to the life I have created.

The excitement of leaving: a tempestuous few months remaining - will eventually come...

along with the ache to stay.

waking up tomorrow

I want to go to sleep so I can wake up tomorrow and for this to all be over.

For the stress of work to be finished and me being on holiday... relaxing and exploring.

For the worry of finance to be reduced slightly because I have a steady income.

For the aggression of everyday people;

their negative vibes to be turned into a positive for no other reason then the sun is shining.

For you to be back so that I can feel at ease again, simply being around you giving me a sense of peace.

For the younger me to be only a plane trip away and able to go and muck about with.

So I sleep and hope it comes to me in my dreams...

just for the next little while until things begin to unravel and start to become normal again.

in the garden

Today I slept amongst the roses; Philharmonic and Halle.

White and bright orange respectively, they were my friends for the day.

I heard new born babies whimpering and words of admiration for the inner circle.

But the best sound was that of children giggling.

Playing hide and seek amongst the beds of flowers and darting in between the hedges,

they were enjoying the day almost as much as me.

People took photos and walked,

laughed and canoodled as couples...

but seemed too composed on this postcard perfect day.

Many a time I wanted to join the children,

exploring the hidden elements of Regents Park and throwing their parents caution to the wind.

After much restraint, I settled for lying amongst my new friends and taking in their scent,

catching the suns rays and enjoying the sounds of others.